BACK IN DA MUH-FUCKIN GAME

It's been a while, so I'll keep this brief. I was on assignment in Burma. That's about all I can say. Well I guess I'm socially obligated to also say, "There may or may not be a python epidemic in the next three months, but it would certainly have nothing to do with a secret chemical plant operated by the US government deep in the Burmese jungle."

Also, everyone may want to study the movie Anaconda. Very carefully.


Back to the thrust of today's postings: HOLOGRAMS! THEY FIGURED THAT SHIT OUT! DOPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




My initial reaction to the above video is about the same as 1/3 of the commenters. The other 2/3?

Racism and porn jokes. Let's have at it!





Indeed!







Yeah dude! Back in '84, I had this bitchin' rig that I was constantly drawing sprite-boobs on. With this hologram, it'll be like sticking my dick in that old computer.






Yes. But to tide you over until it's a consumer-level product, you can type 5,8008 into a calculator and then turn it upside down.








Um.... yeah. That... Um... Did it just get greasy in here? It feels like I just walked into a Gamestop.





Always a classic. Just think, this guy will be able to tell his grandkids about this.










Whoa. Porn and racism in one? That is, of course, assuming that "nippers" is slang for Nipponese, which might be giving godforge2003 a little too much credit.

But that does serve as an excellent transition to:






BOOM!!!!!!! Stay classy, 78 people who "thumbs up buttoned" this comment.






Indeed. But sir or madam, would you mind changing your username to PunctuationSoNasty?

Congratulations. Not only have you failed the capitalization test, you couldn't even manage a simple "Wait for it..." joke.


Alright, enough of that. Now for some comment-section mainstays:

1. The troll.



When attempting to insinuate that someone is a "fukcing inbred retard," you should never use the word "defo." 




2. The one-upper.

No you didn't, and no you shouldn't have. Proceed down the hall for mandatory neutering.


3. The conspiracy theorist






First of all, there is a cure for AIDS, it's a rare drug that only 1% of the population has access to called wealth.


Secondly, jetpacks.




So that about does it. I will now declare a winner out of all potential comments. All of the above comments are incorrect. The correct comment is:







That fucking Sci-Fi shit.





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There's a lot going on here.

This was posted on some NBA.com top ten list, but since the NBA's video player is so horribly broken, I won't link to it. Luckily for you, the reader, this matters not, as today's comment speaks for itself:

This comment is a fascinating insight into the mind of an individual who is clearly so intelligent that he or she cannot decide which information to bestow upon us humble peasants. Even the user name manages to cram massive amount of information in a single word. "KobeFan24Mamba" reads like the user name of someone who couldn't decide between several names, and just crammed them together, much like parents of my friend RogerStevenCraig.

But here, the username is just but an appetizer of things to come. What follows is a stream of consciousness that only the medium of comment can provide. I imagine someone just shouting this comment at the top of their lungs in a single breath. I highly recommend pasting this comment into your computer's text to speech program.

Seriously though, there is just so much going on in this comment that I don't know where to begin. I just... I have to go.

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Masterclass

The problem with this blog is that it is so hard to go out and look for hilariously unfortunate comments. They are kind of like love, they always show up when you least expect it, and if you go out looking for them, you're going to be disappointed.

Take this video explaining a recent scandal in the English football commentary world:



So Andy Grey and Richard Keys say some ignorant things about female officials, and shit gets real. Naturally, should their respective employers seek guidance in how best to deal with the situation, they should turn to the comment section:

I have no problem with uninformed, borderline illiterate comments made on the internet. I actually thrive on them, so I don't even know why I would need that qualifier. Normally, I would object to this comment being posted under the name "masterclass" but in this case the irony is simply too perfect for me to be upset about.

Thank you, masterclass, for living up to your name in every imaginable manner.




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Playing favorites

Now, as I'm sure all two of you have noted, while this blog traditionally draws from comment sections themselves, we here at Comment Section feel obliged to post anything that may or may not provide social commentary via the internet.


Like this:

Thank you, America.

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No Homo

I'm loving the paragraph breaks in this comment. You don't see that too often no homo.

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Making a cameo, with style.

Spotted on Rotten Tomatoes blatant whoring list of Colin Farrel's best movies:

That last guy is totally Nic Cage.






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De-Genrefication

Take a look at Google's classification of Rare Exports:

The Genre is dead. Long live the Genre.

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