Masterclass

The problem with this blog is that it is so hard to go out and look for hilariously unfortunate comments. They are kind of like love, they always show up when you least expect it, and if you go out looking for them, you're going to be disappointed.

Take this video explaining a recent scandal in the English football commentary world:



So Andy Grey and Richard Keys say some ignorant things about female officials, and shit gets real. Naturally, should their respective employers seek guidance in how best to deal with the situation, they should turn to the comment section:

I have no problem with uninformed, borderline illiterate comments made on the internet. I actually thrive on them, so I don't even know why I would need that qualifier. Normally, I would object to this comment being posted under the name "masterclass" but in this case the irony is simply too perfect for me to be upset about.

Thank you, masterclass, for living up to your name in every imaginable manner.




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Playing favorites

Now, as I'm sure all two of you have noted, while this blog traditionally draws from comment sections themselves, we here at Comment Section feel obliged to post anything that may or may not provide social commentary via the internet.


Like this:

Thank you, America.

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No Homo

I'm loving the paragraph breaks in this comment. You don't see that too often no homo.

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Making a cameo, with style.

Spotted on Rotten Tomatoes blatant whoring list of Colin Farrel's best movies:

That last guy is totally Nic Cage.






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De-Genrefication

Take a look at Google's classification of Rare Exports:

The Genre is dead. Long live the Genre.

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Defeating the purpose.

The abbreviation of "laugh out loud" as "LOL" doubtlessly arrived in the collective consciousness of internet-based typists due to the fact that its brevity and character count made it a far more efficient means of expressing one's amusement than the more traditional onomatopoeia, "haha."

The trick of it is, "lol" is but three characters in length while "haha" stands at a cumbersome four; meaning a typist stands to save a fourth of their valuable time by choosing the former over the latter. As the internet is a medium bred through a desire for immediacy, it is obvious why "lol" became the dominant method of expressing laughter at things such as cats in zero-gravity.



As we've already established, efficiency is the lifeblood of the internet. If a commenter were to take 25 percent more time than absolutely necessary to comment on a video, they would inevitably decrease there contribution to culture by a comparable percentage; which is why it is so frustrating to see great minds foolishly wasting time with inefficient comments such as this one:





By the way, that translates to, "Laughing out loud out loud out out loud" followed by some fabulous things that I don't presently have time to comment upon. The issue here is that williammeyes has overstepped the efficiency threshold of "haha" by an incredible five characters. This is unacceptable.

Unfortunately, he is not alone.





What skat0r (pronounced "skatt-OR") fails to understand is that the very essence of what he is trying to communicate would be more successfully accomplished with an extended "hahahahaha," which not only makes sense, but also avoids the futility of the extended "lol."

So gents, take notice. This is how you do it:








If in doubt, stay classy with a period.





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The mold was meant to be broken.

Obviously, this isn't a direct comment as much as it is something that the world needs to see.

Exquisite stuff from the BBC.




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Futility

You can't fight culture, man!

A little Self-Awareness

Normally, I wouldn't condone self-awareness while internet commenting, as it inevitably leads to a decrease in publishable material as far as this blog is concerned. However, today we have a rare case of self-awareness actually improving the quality of a comment.

Now for the particulars.

The video in question:



The Comment:

Hats off to KC36W. Stringing the reader along with all caps, misspellings, negative grammar and doubly unnecessary quotation marks only to capriciously draw attention to the angry, poorly written nature of the comment is a brilliant piece of invention.

But the true wonder here is a near admission of error. That would make this only the second time in the history of the internet that someone has admitted to be anything less than completely correct.

(The first time was a little seen event known as "The Kanye Anomaly")

The truth is that there is no true admission of error here, only a passing recognition of the frivolity of internet commenting. I pray, for the sake of my snarky disposition, that this is but a fleeting notion in the collective unconscious of internet users.





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I don't know if you're familiar, but...

There's this movie called Splice. It's about some geneticists who create some sort of human-monster hybrid, then proceed to both fall in love, and have sex with, said human-monster hybrid.

Yeah. It's kinda messed up. But it had a really good teaser.


Splice Teaser Trailer
Uploaded by E1films. - Check out other Film & TV videos.

But that's not where today's comment comes from. For that, we turn to some article on Rotten Tomatoes that I have forgotten about. I think it had something to do with craziest movie-hookups of the year. A list in which Splice's monster-human hybrid nastiness deserves a spot.

It begs the question, if given the chance to diddle some creepy, bald, winged, winged partial human of your own creation, would you?

For Adrien Brody and this dear chap, the answer is clear.





What doomzdavo does here is really something special. He has tapped into the cultural consciousness in a way few though an internet comment would be capable of doing. He eschews standard internet formatting by properly capitalizing and punctuating his sentences, letting the content of his statement shine gleefully through like a beam of sunlight through gaps between the leaves of trees.